My Real-Life Body Horror

Getting old sucks

My spinal cord is coming apart.

No, that's not accurate. I'm being dramatic because my anxious mind imagines my back collapsing like a demolished skyscraper.

My doctor assures me that isn't going to happen.

The truth is that I'm dealing with degenerative disc disorder. To put it simply, some of the intervertebral discs in my neck are fucked. Truly fucked.

Last year, I started waking up in the middle of the night with a burning sensation in my arms and hands. Gradually, the pain snaked its way into my elbows causing even more discomfort and numbness. Muscle weakness in my hands and arms followed and I started freaking out. A few doctors visits and one MRI later, I had my diagnosis.

Photo via Wikipedia.

Apparently, degenerative disc disorder happens to almost everyone at my age. Here's a quote from the Cedars Sinai website:

"The typical person with degenerative disc disease is active, otherwise healthy and in his or her 30s or 40s."

This pissed me off because prior to this diagnosis I was in great shape. In the weeks and months after getting the news, my health took a nosedive. And the impact to my writing life was huge. I couldn't sit at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. My hands and fingers felt weak, as if they lost 10 percent of their muscle control

It was hell.

Luckily, things did improve with physical therapy and changes to the way I sit while I work. I also made some changes to the way I slept. Long story short, things have improved. So much so that I ran the NYC marathon last November and have been able to keep up my running and calisthenics training. The weakness in my arms and hands is still there though.

The damage to my body isn't going to repair itself and surgery for those effed-up discs isn't in the cards yet. I'm slowly getting back into my writing rhythm and hope to make more of these posts to keep me going.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say in this post other than I hope all of you stay healthy. And if shit gets bad for you—keep on going and keep writing! I'll be rooting for you!